How it began: Intentionally Loved Photography
Hello Friends!
First off thank you for taking time to read this and being so patient with me! My post has been delayed due to being a little under the weather. I am better now though! I wanted to write today about how my idea for Intentionally Loved Photography came to life! As you can tell, I am super excited about it and I pray that it flourishes into something great!
Intentionally Loved Photography began as just a blog post only a few people knew about. I wanted to do something more to reach out to people. However, when I began this blog I only knew what I wanted to call it! Intentionally Loved. Why? Let me tell you a little bit of my story....
This past spring, I had a breakdown that I have never had before. I was struggling in so many ways and I could not see it. My friends and my family could though. My roommates were probably the ones who saw it the most because they saw me everyday. One of my roommates who was way better in the faith then me use to send me sweet notes of encouragement and use to write me letters because we barely saw each other with our crazy schedules. She even told me right out one day I see that you are struggling in your faith and I was getting worse. It's weird how I could not even see it at the time until I started pushing away more and more people I cared about. I kept blaming it on the change, moving away for the first time, sleep deprivation and more. I wasn't focused on me. I wasn't focused on the word or God's LOVE. I was focused more on pleasing other people and filling other friend's cup up when my own cup was running on empty. Yet we want to believe we have a cup half full. I began writing sticky notes of encouragement to myself when I got lonely and by the time spring break was over I'm pretty sure my roommates were very concerned I had a mental breakdown when they saw my wall covered with sticky notes. I kept telling myself and everyone else I was fine and yet I kept pushing away people I cared about most. I ended up not going to work or class most of the time and my grades began to decline. When I did go to class I couldn't focus and half the time I stayed in bed. I would scream at my roommate, my grandmother and my friends. I would run to the library when I needed alone time at odd hours of the night (we have a 24hr library). Not realizing how other people around me might have felt about my actions or thought. I was alone and I felt it but not because people were not there for me but because I kept pushing others away and not diving in the word seeking God's Intentional love. That's right. I said it. God Intentionally Loves Us.
I lost a lot of friends last spring because I pushed them so far away from me and that is when I finally realized I needed help. I couldn't do this on my own. I bought a new bible! It is great! It is also purple which is my favorite color! I was always scared to write in my bible though or highlight things until I saw my roommate do it and I was like What??? Girl, you are gonna get struck down by lightening! I'm pretty sure I remember her taken back by it but thought it was silly and laughed. It was what I was told when I was young by I don't remember who but if I wrote in my bible I was gonna get struck by lightening and die. Looking back I realized it was just a way for younger Tamara not to color in her bible. More like scribble. So, I did my first highlight in my bible in bright pink highlighter. I looked around then I looked up and said, "Okay God, don't be mad at me!". My last roommate put it into perspective this way: You write and highlight in your study books. Right? Okay, so the bible is like a study book and God wants you to study it. I never thought of it that way! Makes sense! So here's to something new!
Now, fast forward to this semester in August. I finally broke down and went to the doctor. Here is where it becomes real. I was diagnosed with MDD. What is MDD? MDD stands for Major Depressive Disorder. The truth is, I was scared to go to my doctor. I believed she would judge me like everyone else or tell me everyone goes through depression but she didn't. She gave me a hug and said we can work with this. I finally understood now. I was thrilled because I wasn't crazy. Only a few people at first knew about my MDD and then after I got diagnosed I wanted to become an advocate for it and help others who may be dealing with depression. The fact is: Depression is real. A lot of my close friends and family supported me on this decision and my brother told me to own it! There is nothing to be ashamed of. It wasn't until I realized when I began talking to people about it and stating my testimony that I noticed people give this look. It is a look of fear mixed with should I really be talking to this person? Then, I spoke to one of my friends about it from RUF (Reformed University Fellowship) and I realized that if I don't explain myself more in depth people do not understand. People may relate better when you put it in more descriptive terms. Many people tend to run away from people who are dealing with depression and let me tell you, that is the absolute worst thing you can do to a person who is willing to admit to you that they have depression. The truth is, people are scared of it especially if they haven't experienced it personally so they do not understand it. Let me put it in this perspective that a friend put it in, "If a person has cancer, you don't simply run from that person with cancer. You support them and show them love." This is similar to depression. Depression is not a disease that is going to rub off on you. The fact is, they need their cup filled just as much as the next person. They need to be showed love. They need to be showed Jesus and the word. Sometimes that is not enough especially if they are not willing to try to be better. Sometimes they don't even realize it until someone says "Hey girl! I see you are struggling!" (My small group leader keeps me accountable even until this day and will and has said this to me).
About three weeks ago, I had this idea that I wanted to share my story but I didn't know how. I shared a little of my story during small groups and it sparked when someone stated that "I believe more than one of us can relate." I realized that this needs to be heard. I kept getting this feeling like God was saying, "Tell the truth!", literally screaming at me. I didn't realize what it meant. About two weeks ago, I went to a christian retreat and got to share my full story with some amazing ladies in my small group and they listened without judgement. They were amazingly supportive as we dived more into the word. We talked about so much that weekend and it was AMAZING! The main thing that stuck with me was the fact that the word of God is our lifeline and how we get to know Jesus. Also, that Jesus wants to get to know us and love us.
Then, I remembered a sermon that one of my old friends did about being intentional with God and I realized that God Intentionally Loves Us. So, if you ever feel like you are lonely or you are not sufficient enough God LOVES you. Intentionally Loved Photography is going to be great and I believe it will turn into great things! It is a blog and yet it is photography meshed in one! 1Corinthians 13 speaks about God's Intentional Love for us and I highly recommend it.
Fast forward to now, I have an amazing roommate and amazing friends and family who have supported me through this journey and I am so very thankful for each and everyone of them. I love you all to the moon and back!
Love always,
Tamara
1 Corinthians 13:13-- "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
#Stronger #Nevergiveup
First off thank you for taking time to read this and being so patient with me! My post has been delayed due to being a little under the weather. I am better now though! I wanted to write today about how my idea for Intentionally Loved Photography came to life! As you can tell, I am super excited about it and I pray that it flourishes into something great!
Intentionally Loved Photography began as just a blog post only a few people knew about. I wanted to do something more to reach out to people. However, when I began this blog I only knew what I wanted to call it! Intentionally Loved. Why? Let me tell you a little bit of my story....This past spring, I had a breakdown that I have never had before. I was struggling in so many ways and I could not see it. My friends and my family could though. My roommates were probably the ones who saw it the most because they saw me everyday. One of my roommates who was way better in the faith then me use to send me sweet notes of encouragement and use to write me letters because we barely saw each other with our crazy schedules. She even told me right out one day I see that you are struggling in your faith and I was getting worse. It's weird how I could not even see it at the time until I started pushing away more and more people I cared about. I kept blaming it on the change, moving away for the first time, sleep deprivation and more. I wasn't focused on me. I wasn't focused on the word or God's LOVE. I was focused more on pleasing other people and filling other friend's cup up when my own cup was running on empty. Yet we want to believe we have a cup half full. I began writing sticky notes of encouragement to myself when I got lonely and by the time spring break was over I'm pretty sure my roommates were very concerned I had a mental breakdown when they saw my wall covered with sticky notes. I kept telling myself and everyone else I was fine and yet I kept pushing away people I cared about most. I ended up not going to work or class most of the time and my grades began to decline. When I did go to class I couldn't focus and half the time I stayed in bed. I would scream at my roommate, my grandmother and my friends. I would run to the library when I needed alone time at odd hours of the night (we have a 24hr library). Not realizing how other people around me might have felt about my actions or thought. I was alone and I felt it but not because people were not there for me but because I kept pushing others away and not diving in the word seeking God's Intentional love. That's right. I said it. God Intentionally Loves Us.
I lost a lot of friends last spring because I pushed them so far away from me and that is when I finally realized I needed help. I couldn't do this on my own. I bought a new bible! It is great! It is also purple which is my favorite color! I was always scared to write in my bible though or highlight things until I saw my roommate do it and I was like What??? Girl, you are gonna get struck down by lightening! I'm pretty sure I remember her taken back by it but thought it was silly and laughed. It was what I was told when I was young by I don't remember who but if I wrote in my bible I was gonna get struck by lightening and die. Looking back I realized it was just a way for younger Tamara not to color in her bible. More like scribble. So, I did my first highlight in my bible in bright pink highlighter. I looked around then I looked up and said, "Okay God, don't be mad at me!". My last roommate put it into perspective this way: You write and highlight in your study books. Right? Okay, so the bible is like a study book and God wants you to study it. I never thought of it that way! Makes sense! So here's to something new!
Now, fast forward to this semester in August. I finally broke down and went to the doctor. Here is where it becomes real. I was diagnosed with MDD. What is MDD? MDD stands for Major Depressive Disorder. The truth is, I was scared to go to my doctor. I believed she would judge me like everyone else or tell me everyone goes through depression but she didn't. She gave me a hug and said we can work with this. I finally understood now. I was thrilled because I wasn't crazy. Only a few people at first knew about my MDD and then after I got diagnosed I wanted to become an advocate for it and help others who may be dealing with depression. The fact is: Depression is real. A lot of my close friends and family supported me on this decision and my brother told me to own it! There is nothing to be ashamed of. It wasn't until I realized when I began talking to people about it and stating my testimony that I noticed people give this look. It is a look of fear mixed with should I really be talking to this person? Then, I spoke to one of my friends about it from RUF (Reformed University Fellowship) and I realized that if I don't explain myself more in depth people do not understand. People may relate better when you put it in more descriptive terms. Many people tend to run away from people who are dealing with depression and let me tell you, that is the absolute worst thing you can do to a person who is willing to admit to you that they have depression. The truth is, people are scared of it especially if they haven't experienced it personally so they do not understand it. Let me put it in this perspective that a friend put it in, "If a person has cancer, you don't simply run from that person with cancer. You support them and show them love." This is similar to depression. Depression is not a disease that is going to rub off on you. The fact is, they need their cup filled just as much as the next person. They need to be showed love. They need to be showed Jesus and the word. Sometimes that is not enough especially if they are not willing to try to be better. Sometimes they don't even realize it until someone says "Hey girl! I see you are struggling!" (My small group leader keeps me accountable even until this day and will and has said this to me).
About three weeks ago, I had this idea that I wanted to share my story but I didn't know how. I shared a little of my story during small groups and it sparked when someone stated that "I believe more than one of us can relate." I realized that this needs to be heard. I kept getting this feeling like God was saying, "Tell the truth!", literally screaming at me. I didn't realize what it meant. About two weeks ago, I went to a christian retreat and got to share my full story with some amazing ladies in my small group and they listened without judgement. They were amazingly supportive as we dived more into the word. We talked about so much that weekend and it was AMAZING! The main thing that stuck with me was the fact that the word of God is our lifeline and how we get to know Jesus. Also, that Jesus wants to get to know us and love us.
Then, I remembered a sermon that one of my old friends did about being intentional with God and I realized that God Intentionally Loves Us. So, if you ever feel like you are lonely or you are not sufficient enough God LOVES you. Intentionally Loved Photography is going to be great and I believe it will turn into great things! It is a blog and yet it is photography meshed in one! 1Corinthians 13 speaks about God's Intentional Love for us and I highly recommend it.
Fast forward to now, I have an amazing roommate and amazing friends and family who have supported me through this journey and I am so very thankful for each and everyone of them. I love you all to the moon and back!
Love always,
Tamara
1 Corinthians 13:13-- "And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love."
#Stronger #Nevergiveup
